“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde


All human beings do learn certain socially shared norms that influence how we feel in a given social relations!

Socially, feelings do rule or influence how people handle the concept of emotions. Especially, playing an important role in how people experience, interpret, and express emotions, including the situations that evoke a range of other feelings.

Feelings do have rules which we tend to learn as humans, but these feeling rules may differ widely depending on the society in which one grows up and one’s social position and social identity, this includes gender and ethnic identity and socio-economic status.

The manner in which these rules operate is flexible and they have a bearing on one’s experience in different settings subsequently influencing one’s personality, more evidently in specific contexts (e.g. at home, school, work or in different social groups) and over time.

*Feeling is the nominalization of the verb to feel. The word is used to describe the physical sensation of touch through either experience or perception. Since feeling is also used to describe experiences other than the physical sensation of touch, such as “a feeling of warmth” and of sentience in general.

The word is usually reserved for the conscious subjective experience of emotion. That settles the fact that feelings are also known as a state of consciousness, such as that resulting from emotions, sentiments or desires. And the notion that perception of the physical world does not necessarily result in a universal reaction among receivers; but varies depending upon one’s tendency to handle the situation, how the situation relates to the receiver’s past experiences, and any number of other factors. In most cases, the past events are used in our lives to form schemas in our minds, and somehow we tend to expect our lives to follow a certain script based on those past experiences.

Several individuals in society have the ability to predict that something will give them a certain desired outcome or feeling, sometimes using past experience as the reference point. Every experience serves a purpose sometimes beyond the prospect. Seasons come and go, day-in and day-out, we all make decisions, one after another; and living a walk of experiences and feelings. In the same way most personal events and experiences are done and relived with a mandate to gain positive outcome, simply put satisfying one’s feelings.

Some do predict feelings by making reference to details and information about the past. Letting feelings of past experience to draft a decision making tool, as positive past experiences can create a comfort zone of feelings that influence current decision-making, predicting how people will feel in the future, if they want to feel that way again. That’s the only way to control. Other than that is the struggle to supress the gut.

It sounds true to say that positive past experience can be used as a measure to predicts good vibes in the upcoming, it works in all ages (for example if you give kids some money to buy chocolates – children who had no experience of purchasing chocolates for themselves and those who had experienced buying chocolates do act differently in response channelled as per knowledge. As a result those who had purchased chocolates in the past are inclined to feel happier and that feeling often last longer than children who had never experienced the flavour of eating chocolates.) This is a well-regarded strategy, a strategy of reflecting and using personal hindsight’s in order to be proactive about the future.

“Write, therefore, what you have seen, what is now and what will take place later.” – Revelation 1:19.

Generally, it all goes down to knowledge, because feelings are about what we see and know. Since feelings are caused by something that we KNOW has triggered the sensory system, and we can only SEE the feelings which are expressed. Both inner and outer feelings have a cause and can be consequently expressed. Yes feelings are visible!

The way that we see other people express their emotions or feelings determines how we respond. The way an individual responds to a situation is based on feeling rules. If an individual is uninformed about a situation the way they respond would be in a completely different demeanour than if they were informed about a situation. For example, if a tragic event had occurred and they had knowledge of it, their response would be sympathetic to that situation. If they had no knowledge of the situation, then their response may be indifference. A lack of knowledge or information about an event can shape the way an individual sees things and the way they respond.

Mixed emotions, in most cases, are seen when the individual is uncertain or unclear about a situation, and somehow becoming more invested. Since an individual does not know the background or the ending of a story they constantly replay an event in their mind which is causing them to have mixed feelings of happiness, sadness, excitement, and e.t.c

There are supremely two accounts of feelings – the organismic and interactive emotions. The ‘organismic’ emotion is the outburst of emotions, and feelings are instantly expressed. It just happens in such a way that social and other factors do not influence/control on how or whether the emotion is suppressed or expressed.

In ‘interactive’ emotion, this is when we have power over emotions and feelings, strategically intending to take control. The individual is constantly considering how, when and where to react; or what and what not to suppress. In interactive emotion, unlike in organismic emotion, the individual is aware of their decision on how they feel and how they show it.

Having power over emotions is almost like the way actors withheld their emotions in films. Like actors, individuals can control how the emotions are expressed, however they cannot control their inner emotions or feelings. Inner feelings can only be suppressed, not controlled. In acting they suppress feelings in order to achieve the expression one wants people to see on the outside. So they spend time consciously and actively working through their emotions. But in real life experiences supressing inner emotions can have short or long term effect to one’s life. Hence supressing emotions should only be encouraged in ‘acting’ not ‘reality’.

Emotions and emotional experience are an ongoing thing that an individual is consciously and actively working through. And the struggle is real especially when individuals want to conform to society with their inner and outer feelings. Certainly the struggle is real to us all.

Now the question is should we separate and treat inner feelings and outer feelings as separate entities? And know how, when and where to express or supress inner feelings and outer feelings so that the society is free from depression, anxiety, self-harm etc; and as far as maintaining personal and social integrity.

Inner feelings DON’T LIE!
Outer feelings sometimes DO LIE! they can be manipulated to fit for different purposes. Be it Diplomatic, Political Correctness, Performance etc. – you name it!